It's #100!!!

Damn, a milestone. I didn't even know that I was at 100 posts. I don't have anything spectacular for this post. I'm just sitting at home on this Sunday evening watching Say Yes to the Dress and football at the same time. And yes I am that girl. I love wedding shows and I looooove sports. I digress. I have a job interview tomorrow. And this one is with an insurance company. It's not what I want to do but I have to work up to that, build some capital, move from DC, get in the nightlife scene. But it's a start and I have to take baby steps. It'll be ample income to sustain life and have fun. I have my hopes up but it's because I have faith that this is the one. This time it'll be ok.

That was kinda whack for #100. I'm going to surprise you with my milestone post. I don't know when it will be but it'll be something special.

- Gym Class Heroes - Kid Nothing vs. The Echo Factor :)

Plateau

I don't know if I am the only one or if I'm selfish or if I'm a loner or if I'm just plain mean but when I don't feel like being bothered, I DON'T feel like being bothered. The thing is I used to have an escape. In college, I'd take a walk or go looking around and my roommate (who is the most awesomest roommate ever) wouldn't bother me or ask where I was going. Now that idea is a little far fetched. Now let me preface my anger with this: I honestly don't mind letting someone know where I'm going when I'm leaving the house, but if I didn't ask you to come DON'T invite yourself. Sometimes I like to be alone and sit with my thoughts and marvel at my ideas. Or for that matter I don't always want to go places with him and that is in general. He has a sort of weird "us/our" mentality in his head. I guess because we both like new things and travelling but I know like hell I don't want him to come on every trip I go on. I know I digress but I've been feeling like this for a while. (Back to our regularly scheduled programming) It doesn't happen all that often but when it does I need space. While I love my roommate to death, I don't think that he has picked up on this trait of mine yet. If I were to get up and walk toward the door right now, he'd ask me where I was going. And he'd think that I'd be wrong not to tell him. Sometimes I just need some ME-time.

So I found out how I can change this. I NEED A HOBBY!!! Something that I can do alone. That's of no interest to my roommate and I've found that is a book club. The sooner this happens the better off our relationship would be. I also think I'm going to join a gym. Now, I thought us working out together would be awesome but honestly, he just talks too much. Ok, ok, enough bashing of the homie because I really love my bff.

-I Am the Avalanche - Murderous

Same shit, different day

After I ended yesterday on such a high note, I was ecstatic about the weekend. I have a job interview at an Indian restaurant on Monday and that's because he was impressed with my e-mail. And today was going fine until I heard from fucking Mohammed. (Back story: My car hasn't been working since Labor Day and I took it to a shop by a friend's house to get it fixed last Thursday. I talked to the man and he said no more than $1000 to fix the shit up.) Now I get a call that my car is ready and my bill is $1500. All I asked my folks for was $800 and now I'm stuck in a hard place and need to come up with $200 more to get my car Monday. The upside is that he'll let me pay him the other $500 over time. Breaks are not given to me. Ever! I HAVE to get this job on Monday. And I don't have anyone to ask for the $200. I hate that I can't support myself. At least my parents don't know how I'm living. They'd be utterly disgusted. I'm pretty much out of options at this point. And now it's 5:45 and I plan to be good and drunk by 6:30. I'll let you know how that goes.

It's been too hard living, but I'm afraid to die...

Those words are from the great Sam Cooke. I guess that struggle is just a part of the human experience. But when you're at your wit's end what more is there. Today had been very stressful and this time I have no herbal remedy to rely on. For I have given that up for a chance at a better life. There's nothing wrong with my life right now; I actually love it. But every morning when I wake up I don't think "What am I going to wear to work/school?' or "I wonder how the commute is going to be.", I think damn another day of this bullshit. Then around 5 my roommate comes home and I forget about my situation until of course the next morning. I feel that I worked too hard to be where I am but maybe I didn't. Maybe I should've worked harder. But whatever the case may be, I hope that things change soon.

-A Change Is Gonna Come - Sam Cooke

Sometimes I wonder. If things were opposite what would it be like? Some days I can cry as many tears as there were raindrops that fell.

Summer 2010 Top 7

Food - It was summer. You know my feelings on bbq. It is incomparable to anything else in the summer besides ice cream treats and watermelon and swimming pools.
TV - Baseball pretty much ruled my summer. But as far as tv shows Leverage once again was not a disappointment. In addition, Louie was the best new show of the summer Absolutely hilarious Louis C.K. is hysterical.
Movies - Inception was by far the best movie of the summer. I didn't see many movies but when you trend on Twitter for a week you obviously are something people are talking about and it was all good raves. But Leonardo DiCaprio hasn't been in a bad movie that I've ever seen. He's highly bankable.
Music - There were so many good things from music this summer. I'm so into stoner music in the summer. That and hood anthems. My favorite releases of this summer were by Wale, Kid Cudi, Big Boi, Waka Flaka Flame, Gucci, Kidz in the Hall, J. Cole.Something about the sun and upbeat music that puts a huge smile on your face. And when you play your music as loud as I do you're sure to have smile on your face. And of course great electronic driven pop is a given in summer and two of my favorite summer artists now are Lady Gaga and Katy Perry. They make great summer hits especially the latter. (Maybe I'll post a summer playlist)
Drink - I've had a plethora of drinks this summer but my favorite by far was the beer can margarita from the homie DomiQJ. (Btw today is her bday special blog shoutout to her) But this will be a mainstay from now until I start my restaurant. And it will be a drink on the menu too.
Moment - I finally made the plunge to move from home. It's been hard especially in this economy. I'm still 2 years removed from college and still do not have a job. I'm not the only person in the country educated but unemployed but damn I have a good degree. Time will only tell what will happen.
Random - I just signed up for a tumblr. I don't really know what it is except a mix of a blog and a Twitter account. Sounds like a lot of fun but it'll be different from this blog. That one is in preparation for my life in the entertainment scene. Like Richita Branson or somebody lol.

And I leave you with my all-time favorite summer song

It's been a long time since I've done this. I had a different idea but I scrapped it and we'll go with this. I've been in DC almost 3 months now. I enjoy this idea of big city life. I like that there are places within walking distance. I like that there is feasible public transportation (although I am not a fan). I like everything about it here...almost. Some of the things I have no control over like the skyrocketing cost of living. And that is the main deterrent I had about coming back. But I couldn't stand to be at home either. It seems that these days I am running into more and more Catch-22s but I guess that's all a part of being an adult. Sacrificing. I can't help but wonder what people sacrifice only a daily basis just to make it especially today with this economy. I just know that it won't be long. It seems like every time I try and act positively something bad happens to break my spirit but I'm a fighter and I've got my dukes up and I'm protecting my face.

And I'm aware that I owe you an August Top 7 but I'm thinking of an end of summer Top 7.

~Otis Redding - I've Got Dreams to Remember

July Top 7

First July has to be one of the best months of the year. It's the one month that you got completely out of school. The days are longer, nights are steamy. And of course 4th of July is the highlight of the summer. With that here goes my Top 7:

Food - Although this place has absolutely anything to do with summer at all, it is definitely a Harlem institution. Amy Ruth's on 116th & Lenox had me in heaven on my recent trip to NYC. Those chicken wings are perfectly fried and the waffles are the perfect soft and light combination. And to wash it all down I had a glass of Kool-Aid (a very loose interpretation of hood Kool-Aid, there was citrus and it was red but not fruit punch flavored. Imagine the reaction of my taste buds that were beyond parched.)
TV - Louie premiered this month and is hilarious. It parallels the life of comedian Louis C.K. If you like his stand-up you can definitely appreciate the show. And even be a little upset if you didn't catch it or DVR it. :P
Movies - Inception. GO. SEE. IT. NOW! If you haven't already. It's the 2nd best movie of the year-I haven't seen the #1 yet. I've seen Inception and it's one of the best movies I've ever seen in my life. It's a soon-to-be classic.
Music - Brick Squaddddddd!!!! (in my Waka Flaka voice) Gucci dropped Mr. Zone 6 and it goes hard. And you know we go hard in the paint. Leave it up to the hood to have summer anthems.
Drink - We had beer can margaritas (shout to Dom). And got WASTED!!!! Also the mimosa is high on my list too now. D.C. has several unlimited mimosa brunches for various prices. The two I've been: Ben's Next Door on U St. and Urbana in DuPont. Ben's Next Door is a more casual yuppie location given however with the location. It's decor is nice and modern, high tables, high seats, squares. Then Urbana is a little bit more upscale. A reservation is needed if you want to sit at a table. There is a bar/lounge area that still gets full service brunch. They have an array of juices and purees, orange (classic mimosa), pineapple, grapefruit, cranberry, peach puree, strawberry, mango, and passion fruit.
Moment - Walking to the gas station with a brand new fresh haircut and Tre'Von at home and this dude was trying to holla at me. Here's how it went, Him: Miss Lady. Miss Lady. Me: (to Tre'Von) Is he talking to me? Tre: Yeah. Him: Miss Lady....I know you here me girl. As we check out at the line the Arab behind the counter secretly tries to ask me for my number using nonverbals. It was tragic!!! And I couldn't even believe he was serious. Well that's the hood I guess lol.
Random - D.C. has been great!! I'm hoping for good news on Monday. *fingers crossed*

Wale's new mixtape- More About Nothing (get it too)

July 30, 2010

Wow, it's almost August. These first 7 months have flown by. I guess time does mean a lot more to you once you're older than when you're a child. Or maybe time really does become valuable as you get older. I don't know but I've been here for 3 weeks yet it doesn't feel like it. But when I think about I guess it has been that long. I've been to Philadelphia, New York and Baltimore-although that's like travelling the 20 miles from my house to a local mall that I deem far- since I've been back. It was fun. I regret nothing but it just seems like I having been doing much. Oh well Monday seems hopeful. Really, once Tre starts school my days will be hopefully spent behind a desk for 8 hours and 1 hour travel time to and from work and then home to study for the GMAT exam that I plan to take in the spring (yeah, I'm going to take them). It would be ok for now. I still hope to find gainful employment within a year. You know a job with full benefits, i.e. dental, vision, in addition to a retirement plan and maybe some potential ability for promotions. Something regular. Stable. Well, hope everyone had wonderful Julys and a better August!

-- DJ Dr. Tre is playing Maroon 5's new hit single, Misery.

Untitled #2

I arrived in D.C. on July 9, 2010. Ever since it has been like a party. Hanging with my bff and another friend from home, the majority of our time was either drinking, smoking, or driving and several of the combinations of the 3. It's been fun. It reminds me of how awesome summer can be and most times is. Domiqj visited for a weekend and gave us a new drink to use. I've been looking for jobs online, public and private sectors, so far. It's just that I am so happy to be in a city where the possibility of me not driving exists everyday. The possibility to walk and along the way have lunch, buy a shirt, have ice cream, and see a movie all on the same block exists. It's great to walk outside and see people walking down the street and kids playing on the sidewalks. It's summmer in the District. In so many ways it's just like summer at home. During the day people go to work or hustle up on some money for that night. And as soon as the entire crew is off you meet up go have some drinks maybe some appetizers and some great conversation. Only thing is that at home it's a lot more familiar to me. I know where to go, who I am going with and who's meeting us there, and what to expect. Here is all new and I'm ready for this. Job searching by day, hanging by night.

-Summertime - DJ Jazzy Jeff ft. Will Smith

June Top 7

Food - Summer is in full effect. And that means one thing- random BBQs. I'll bbq just about anything-meat, fish, vegetables, hell even fruit.
TV - Summer tv is usually a hit and miss with me. One reason is because summer nights are the best. It's warm out, and people are out, so why be holed up in a house.
Movies - I was very excited to see The Last Airbender. The cartoon is definitely one of my favorite cartoons of all times. It has so much relevance in today's society although it was set in ancient Asia.
Music - I don't have any really solid summer tunes. Usually I have a set playlist of the hottest summer jams but I've been slacking on my music game lately.
Moment - Right June seems like a blur. Hitting up Margaritas in downtown Belleville for a few shenanigans or being live from the FP. Besides that not much happened.
Random - I'm so ready for something new.

June

So I just erased the whole entry I almost posted. It was so contrived and so not me. I hate to try and write good things when stuff is so shitty. I'm not saying that I'm in a shitty mood but the state of the world is pretty shitty right now. This BP mess, the continued layoffs and downsizing, people continuously disrespecting the President, the looming of a European depression, and of course the Celtics losing the 'ship....That's all on a global scale,for the most part anyway, but I only have one personal gripe this month. (I know right! Usually it's a full out pity party but I am really trying to get over they stage now.) I went in for a job last week and flunked a personality test for a claims position. I mean, it's just claims no disrespect to those of you that work in claims but how much personality do I really need to have to answer phones and get information from an accident scene. But I guess it wasn't for me. Oh well I have since moved on.

As this month is nearing close I really wonder what the second half of this great year has for me. Only time will tell. And YAY!!! I'm moving to DC next month. My daddy is giving me 3 months to find a job. I am praying that there is something out there for me!!!!

P.S. I have figured out my sign off. I will leave you with my song of the day.

-Sam Cooke - A Change is Gonna Come

May Top 7

Food- So on Cinco de Mayo we went to a cool little Mexican restaurant for the festivities. They had some really good tacos; now I don't know whether it was because I was inebriated but those damn tacos were great.
TV- It's the NBA playoffs. So that's all I've been tuned into for the last month and even now. My Celtics have made it all the way to the Finals for the second time in 3 years.
Movies- Haven't been to the movies since I saw The Losers last month. Lame, I know but funds are low and the movies are so dang expensive. I don't even think I've watched that many movies on tv but the one I do recall is Up. I kinda have a thing for Disney Pixar films. :P
Music- Well, it's summer which means windows down music all the way up. A couple of mixtapes have dropped just in time for the summer. I've been listening to Jadakiss's The Champ is Here 3 and Young Jeezy's Trap or Die 2. T.I. dropped Fuck a Mixtape but I'm not really a fan of his these days. I also have downloaded 3 Wiz Khalifa mixtapes and the newest album from Kidz in the Hall Land of the Make Believe. It's music and mixtape mania!!!!
Moment- One day me and two of my friends (who shall remain anonymous, for now anyway) went to Hot Shots in O'Fallon, IL to watch the Celtics-Magic game, you know just for fun. We ate toasted ravioli, hot wings, and drank beer and soda. It was a tasty meal and it was all discounted because it was a Wednesday special. The game ended and so did the idea of us ever going back to Hot Shots. We dined and ditched. The waitress waited too long to bring us the check and the people I was with decided that we should leave if she didn't come back within a certain time. And we did!!!
Random- I'm going to DC in July!!!!

Untitled

Just sitting at my computer and am pretty bored out of my mind. Didn't have anything to do so I decided that I come have a chat with myself but to you. First off, I have been sober for 11 days now. I still have the urges but I just think about how much progress I've made and I don't want to have to start all the way over. And everything is much more boring. I find myself bored on many occasions and always thinking, "this would be so much better if I was high," but I guess that comes with the territory. 30 days is so much longer when you are actually counting the days. It seems like everything goes by sooo much faster when you are not waiting. Second, I have decided that I will take the plunge and go stay with a friend in DC and try to find me a job in Baltimore or Baltimore proper. My parents said they'd front me some cash to survive as did my brother and my grandparents probably will too. But I won't be going until mid-July so that is yet another countdown I am waiting on. Patience never really was my strong suit but I think that this is all a test. In the end, I will be a better person for what these last 2 years have done for to me. I believe it to be true. Third, the summer is here and May is almost over. I will save the rest of my comments on these two topics until Tuesday. Fourth, there is a really cute guy at the gym but of course I don't have the cahones to go and talk to him AT ALL. So that'll be yet another missed opportunity but after reading an excerpt of Chelsea Handler's book if he hasn't talked to me then he's not interested and that's fine....I guess :/. Hmmmmm what else to say? I never really talk about my love for sports on here but I guess that's because I didn't intend on this being a blog for my love of sports nor did I ever think I would spill my guts on here either, so I guess it could be repurposed (it already has, I think). Well the NBA semifinals are going on and I'm all about my Celtics. I like to call them the Three Amigos +1. Big game tomorrow; it could send us to the Finals against either the Lakers or the Suns. But I ramble so I'm out.

Week 1

So my first week is over and I must say it was damn hard. After getting used to the fact that I could not put salt on ANYTHING I ate or that I couldn't eat cheese (my favorite food), it was simple. I guess also that I was ready for the change. I wish that I can say that I didn't sway but I did and it wasn't anything too extreme--we went to Hot Shots for the game and I had half a pound of hot wings and some spinach and artichoke ravioli. The week, however, was a success I'll go weigh-in tomorrow and see how much weight I lost but people have told me that I look like I'm losing so that was encouraging. I'm trying not to get to hooked on how much weight I lose but that I feel good and that I am getting more toned. Because of my good progress, I have someone else making a lifestyle change and I'm happy she jumped aboard.

As I enter week 2, I only have one thing on my mind and that is FOOD. Food is life. It is what we go to in turmoil, in love, in comfort...So I have to just keep my head down and barrel forward as I continue on this journey. I think it will be a good trip though and at the end I will be a much better person for it. I'm sticking to it and will only make adjustments to improve. So let's go!!!!! Operation Vegas is in full effect.

12-Week Plan

So I've been working out for the past month or so and have lost about 7 lbs but I still have yet to kick some habits (drinking excessively, occasional smoke, fried foods, eating after 10....). To jump start Operation Vegas I have enlisted the help of Body by Glamour as a guide to a 12-week weight loss plan. I would love to say that I am going to start today but that's just not realistic. But I am going to start Sunday--gives me time to get groceries, new gym shoes, and other things I'll need. I am going to follow all of the directions they give me. No excuses. We'll see how things go. I guess I'll check in on Sundays. I wish my self luck, although is that even possible? I don't know but we'll find out. "Good luck self." :)

April 2010 Top 7

Food- So the places that have the best food are not always the five star restaurant with the uppity people and the white tablecloths. Zipps in downtown East St. Louis is easily my favorite place to go get food (that is not Chinese) in the city right now. They have everything, hot wings, fish, burgers, tripe, rib tips, and it's all under $7. God I love my city!
TV-It's baseball season!!!! Need I say more...
Movies-The Losers was so freaking awesome. I don't know if it was because of all of the sexy ass men that it had, or the guns and bombs, or the comedy, but it was a helluva good movie..
Music- So I know I'm late but I couldn't believe the hype. There was no way that she was that good. But damn did the cd fool me. Lady Gaga goes hard. My favorite song off of the album is Summerboy. You need to hear it. And PLEASE believe the hype.
Drink- Haven't been drinking too much but I think margaritas would win because when they are $1 why not have one......or you know 10!
Moment-April 22nd when a friend of mine and I got stuck in the mud after getting completely shit-faced in the rain. Then we sat there for about 20 minutes waiting on Chris, the tow truck driver that we thought was black but clearly wasn't, to show up and pull me out of the mud. And the bad thing is I had no greenery just the legal stuff.
Random-I read The Conversation by Hill Harper and I feel that every Black person in America needs to read this book as soon as they are ready to be in a long term relationship.

And yes I know I said I would do it yesterday but I got caught up in Y.P.F. and The Boondocks. So I hope you can forgive me.

Happy May!!!

Hello all!!! It's been a pretty good couple of weeks. Although I have no job prospects, I have managed to keep cool. I have been going to the gym regularly and stopped puffing the magic dragon. I am seriously considering writing a book thanks to a good friend. I am going to start back with my Top 7s of the previous month by the 5th from now on. (I'll try and make a better effort this time around.) I have some pretty good things about last month to put down just got to get them all together. It's funny how a few changes have really made me feel a whole lot better. But of course I still do my make-me-feel-better shopping (do NOT judge me lol). Well maybe tomorrow I'll come back and put up my Top 7 of April.

I need a signature sign off too....help, suggestions,???? I'm open.

Dun dun duuuunun

Whenever someone starts a sentence off with "unfortunately", nothing good can come after it. And that's exactly what Shirley said to me as she explained that I could not go on to work for Touchette. I thought that by now I would be all out of tears but nope they are flowing down my face like a a popped fire hydrant on a hot summer's day. I thought it was mine. I KNEW it was mine but oh how I was mistaken. I can't keep a job even when it is put in my lap.
So tonight I will drown my sorrows like I use to and then it's a fresh start. Fresh start for what idk. But something's gotta give soon. Maybe I'll pick the camera up again, maybe I'll start writing that memoir (lol), maybe I'll go buy probability for dummies but some things have to change.

And the Wall Comes Tumbling Down...

After this past week and the last 19 months of my life I feel like I owe it to myself to have at least one truthful and emotional post free of backspaces and edits. So here we go...The past 19 months have been a journey in self-discovery for me. I've learned so much about myself that I never knew. Like my biggest fear is disappointing those around me. After 2007 and my escapade with the School of Business, I knew that I had reached a low point in my life. I often cried alone in my room because the toll of those last 3 months of that year wore on me but no one would never have known. I pretended that everything was ok when in reality I was too embarrassed to express my true feelings. Everyone said that everything would be ok and I believed them and I went on with my life, got a job and pretended everything was fine. Deep down I was hurting. I had spent the last 3.5 years of my life trying to be the person that my parents wanted me to be and not the person I was. Actuarial science, whose idea...my daddy's. Howard University, whose idea...my momma's. Where was I in all of this? Who am I? Somewhere behind the mask there I was afraid to be in front, in control. Then came the 2008 Howard graduation. The closer it got the more my heart hurt. I was supposed to meet a very close friend of mine's family but I couldn't. I didn't have the heart to and for that I am very sorry (you know who you are). I cried at the airport in the bathroom on my way home on May 7th. I felt that I had let myself down in such a huge way and that nobody could begin to understand how I truly felt. That following summer I sank into a mind numbing stupor. Everyone was moving on with their lives and I was stuck in two sessions of summer school and working at a dead end job. It flew by and luckily my bff was with me or idk what really would have happened. The summer ended and it was time for me to face my reality--moving back home with my parents after 4 years of independence. At first, I thought it would just be until the end of the year and that some job would come through. I started the process so optimistically, then August became Labor Day, then Thanksgiving, then Christmas. The more I was rejected for jobs the more upset and rejected I became until I became callous to the whole situation. I had become stagnant and unproductive. And once again I sank into numbness resorting to late night escapades with Lucy and my friends--she was becoming more of a way for me to forget than a recreation. Then came substitute teaching. I never wanted to do it but I needed some money. The first couple of months were ok but I was secretly hoping that a real job would turn up soon and so Inauguration became Mardi Gras and then came graduation. I had become content. I had money to support my habits-smoking, shopping and travelling. But when April rolled around it was a reminder that I had failed myself. And the fact that they were pressing me to walk made the situation worst. I became despondent and nonchalant and very agreeable. Like so many other facets of my life I just rolled with the punches instead of standing up for myself. I was breaking down on the inside. I often cried alone when people weren't home or when I was in the shower just thinking of the outcome of my life until that particular point. All of my friends had everything going for them..jobs, school, families. It left me feeling like I was missing out on so much. After graduation, I went to NYC for a couple of days with my buddies and had the time of my life. I was carefree and happy and it was something that I needed for my sanity. Then came the summer. Once again, I was jobless but it wasn't too bad. I had Bartholomew and the Y. Endorphins are a hell of a drug. But summer nights came and went. And while everyone else got up in the morning to go to work I slept in the basement until mid-afternoon. I was ok though. I occasionally looked for jobs but there was no urgency. Then August came and my one year anniversary of being home. I became sad. And realized that within a year I had done nothing that I wanted to do besides going to visit friends. The letter came in the mail asking if I was considering come back to sub for the 2009-2010 school year and as much as I didn't I checked yes I would be returning. August became Labor Day, and Thanksgiving, and Christmas all over again. Then there was Mardi Gras. And then there was March 25th. It was the last of my 90 days to sub in District 189 and I broke down. I cried alone, in front of my parents and grandparents. I felt sorry for myself and I felt like a disappointment because I was still jobless and I had such high expectations of myself. Maybe I was jaded and disillusioned. You always see the graduates on tv and they're like I'm going to work for this company, I got accepted into this program, blah, blah, blah. And that's not how reality is. It's tough. It sucks at times. I moped around the house and stayed blown out of my mind as to forget that all of this was happening to me. And now it's like I've let then down all over again. I've cried so many times in the last week and what for because it doesn't solve anything or make the situation better. It's more of a release of anger and frustration than an act of remorse. I'm not sorry for how I have spent my last 20 months. I have thoroughly enjoyed the good times with my awesome ass friends but that car ride at the end of the night always reminds me that I have to go back to my reality while they go back to theirs. So as I sit here and listen to Clarity, I remind myself that sometimes you have to hit the bottom before you ever realize that there is a better and brighter day around the corner. You just have to be patient and know that you will get yours when it is your time. And my time might not be today, tomorrow, next week, or next month, but it's coming.

What to Do?

It's been a hard couple of days for me. I am pretty much over the whole job hunting thing. I think that I am just going to start studying for that God forsaken exam. Yes, I've decided to settle. I know it's not like me but sometimes you have to bite the bullet and that's what I'm going to have to do. I've got 19 days to get a lead and then it's a probability book and flashcards.

Battle Studies 2010 Tour...Stop #33 St. Louis, Missouri

These were my thoughts as I got up out of my seat to head into the crowd that had just witnessed something special: If he is half as good in bed as he is on that damn stage I WOULD consider marrying a white man.

At around 9:30 this evening John Mayer had popped my proverbial cherry. The lights dimmed the crowd roared and rolled a filmstrip. 8...my heart was beating so fast. 7...My smile is from one earlobe back across to the other. 6...OMG I can't believe I'm here. 5...He's in the same room I'm in. 4...Calm down breathe he's just a white guy that plays a guitar. 3...Ok but he's reallllllllly good. 2...get ready to be rocked....1...There we see his shadow getting ready to come out and rock us all the way to heaven.

Out he came all clad in black rocking to Heartbreak Warfare. (I had previously caught a glimpse of a set list from a very well dressed gentleman that walked past me while I was situating myself in my seat.)I was impressed. It was big. It was bold. It was BAD. Next was a Why Georgia medley; it had Message in a Bottle mixed into the middle. This is probably my favorite song on Room for Squares. And when he began my smile spread as far as my face would let it. Then Vultures. His band was astronomical. Steve Jordan, David Ryan, Charlie Wilson, Ryan Mitchell, and the bass player. He made that guitar wail ever so slightly with an accompaniment Ryan Mitchell. Something's Missing was the next song he played. And it's just a really good song live because you could really feel the emotion in the song. Then he played my favorite song from Continuum--Slow dancing in a burning room. There was fire on the stage behind him to set the mood and the lighting was low. Perfection. My bff's fave from BS was next and Perfectly Lonely was right on point. It livened the crowd after the mellow mood he had put us in. It was a night of ups and downs all orchestrated very well. Then was the first climax. I recorded it on my phone (it's not that good but dammit I LOVE this song); it was Assassin. And his production team did an awesome job with the stage during this song. The lights were low, smoke was enveloping us. Matrix-esque floor plans shot across the screen. Spotlights canvased the crowd, John Mayer and the band. The mood in the room was very sexy and mysterious. After this song the band and background singers took a break. John performed Wheel acoustically. After watching him perform this song you could tell that he writes his songs from experience and the heart. The acoustic segment continued with his most acclaimed song, Daughters. Every time I hear this song it just makes my heart happy. He said that Daughters is "a song he hasn't taken his own advice on." Ryan Mitchell came out to accompany him and they did this song all of the justice that it has gotten. Crossroads from Battle Studies was the next song he played. It's not one of my favorite songs to listen to on the cd but live that shit rocks. You would have thought John Mayer was a rock star during this song. Nuff said. Then he did this high energy "Wanna take it higher" interlude and Steve Jordan had a solo on the drums. I knew he was good but not as good as I saw him tonight. He beat those drums like no matter what he did he knew that you were going to yell and scream and cheer him on. At one point during the solo, he smiled so sinisterly as to say "Yeah you know you like this shit." John Mayer did a crazy leg dance and there was a smooth transition into Waiting for the World to Change. This is probably my least favorite single he has but as an fan I am happy that he chose to address the social issues that we face. It ended and he began singing, "She tastes like a woman, She makes love like a woman...but she breaks like a little girl" and that was how he introduced us to Half of My Heart. This song is a real upbeat cute song that came across well live. It's probably my second favorite song on BS and kind of reminds me of old JM. And then there was the song that started it all. It's always that first single that I hear by an artist that will either pull me in or turn me away. My love for the artist may come later or not at all. I knew from the first moment that I heard the song that it would be one of my favorites. The song is No Such Thing. And when I heard the guitar crack the first chord it was climax #2. That song is like a personal declaration that I will succeed, I will be better than you could ever imagine and it was what I needed to hear. That was the end of the set. 11:15 and it was over. But the crowd was not satisfied. They wanted more. Cell phones, lighters, and chants all burst into the air. 11:16 he was back on stage ready for 2 more songs. The first was Who Says, his first single off of Battle Studies. It was good. Then there was Gravity and climax #3. I mean he got so into it that he was down on his knees playing the guitar with his fingers and it was an amazing way to end the night.

When he left the stage there was an air of satisfaction in the arena. You didn't feel short-changed. You knew that he gave you everything he had in him. He made sure that you got yours. I definitely got mine and don;t understand what took me song fucking long. The walk back to the car wasn't sad although I knew it would be months before I saw him again. Not a goodbye but more like a pin as to say we will return to this at a later date. Like the guy that comes to town and you're happy that he came and when he leaves it's like I can't wait until he gets back. On my way in I was nervous but when I got out I was like "Yeah you know where I'm coming from and I don't care."

I have no pictures. All I have are my memories, a $35 t-shirt, this entry and my ticket. And that's enough. John Mayer live is like Pringles once you pop you can't stop. I'm officially a John Mayer whore and not ashamed!!!!!!!!

March 11th...

So we are what 31+28+11=70 days into 2010 and nothing has changed for me-still substitute teaching and going out like always. As sit in the kitchen while I bask in the solitude that is my parents' house, I think that it has been almost 2 years and I am yet unemployed. This last year and so many months have just amalgamated into experiences at places and not the night on which it happened mostly. Each night starts and ends the same and the middle is almost always forgotten. Like it's more of a remedy than a recreation. Don't get me wrong I want to make my life off of the fact that people depend on social settings and alcohol to cope. But knowing that most people out especially during happy hours are there because of some life stressor. Not to say that I haven't enjoyed every single moment of them but it's funny to me thinking of why that next person is sitting there getting so shitfaced.
Thank you, you're a grand audience.

Today you can go to a gas station and find the cash register open and the toilets locked. They must think toilet paper is worth more than money.
- Joey Bishop

There's a trick to the "graceful exit." It begins with the vision to recognize when a job, a life stage, or a relationship is over — and let it go. It means leaving what's over without denying its validity or its past importance to our lives. It involves a sense of future, a belief that every exit line is an entry, that we are moving up, rather than out.